By We can’t kid ourselves, the society that we live in was made for cisgender white men. Built predominantly on slave labor, extortion, and murder over the last few centuries it shouldn’t be surprising that what we have now is the end result.
To stay up to date with Plasma Canvas, Music News, New Interviews, and Adrienne Rae Ash be sure to sign up for our newsletter and follow Plasma Canvas on all the social media platforms.
Sure, in the last few years with the younger generations we have begun to recognize that the “American Dream” is a bit of a fantasy and more ‘aspirational’ (to put it gently) yet still reserved for those who fit the bill of a privileged white heteronormative existence.
We still do not have adequate protections in place for trans and non-binary people in this country. In fact, this country regularly proves just how much it actively resists calls for inclusivity. It is genuinely astounding that it can perform the logical acrobatics of propagating hateful discrimination, while also claiming that the American Dream is alive and well for everyone.
The COVID pandemic has made painfully real many of the systemic issues this country is facing in the modern era. A dysfunctional healthcare system, massive wealth inequality, and insufficient protection under the law for every citizen— and so much more!
However, it has prompted a period of national self-reflection in those who are open to it. With the election revealing that 70+ million people still chose to vote for hate, it has opened a dialog about who we really are, and what we want this country and society to really be.
I sat down with Adrienne Rae Ash of the revered band Plasma Canvas, not searching for all the answers to society’s greatest ills, but maybe, to shed light on the thought process that led to answers for the new revelations in her personal life.
“We’ve had significant things appear to us like since all the lockdowns…Jude realized that she’s a woman. I found out that I’m autistic.”
When pressed on the recent autism diagnosis, Adrienne elaborated:
“Trying to make sense of the world when it’s not built for you— Carving your own little niche is hard to do for anybody anywhere. Whenever you’re specifically doing things that go against societal norms, coming out as trans… I carried misdiagnoses with me all my life of ADHD and bipolar. I was diagnosed with ADHD when I was 10 and I was diagnosed at the drop of a hat for bipolar when I was 22. Through the evaluation process that I underwent which was, you know, hours and hours long, spread over weeks and thoroughly documented. They concluded that my ADHD diagnosis and my bipolar diagnoses were wrong. They had been these identities that I carried around for a long time, and [when they are gone] have a seismic shift in the way you view yourself. [That is] kind of a big thing.
Well, I mean, a seismic shift… That’s a kind of a big thing. It’s weird because for me it’s a seismic shift, [but] for everyone else I’m afraid that I’m gonna get worked up over finding out I’m autistic and they’re gonna be like ‘Oh, cool.’ That’s a big fear that I have is that people don’t understand the impact, or they don’t understand what autism even is…That’s just because we have a lot of outdated ideas about what autism is.”
View this post on Instagram
Misdiagnoses among mental health conditions in this country are frightfully common. According to the most recent data from the National Center for Health Statistics (NCHS) and CDC, ADHD and Bipolar are amongst the three most commonly misdiagnosed mental health conditions that we hand out along with depression. It’s not as simple as “getting a correct diagnosis” either. Let alone the economic ramifications of seeking an alternate opinion, a false diagnosis can lead to long-lasting impacts and even worsening conditions for anyone seeking treatment.
“I’m getting help… Figuring out therapy and some support structures. Any kind of accommodations or assistance I can find— maybe even trying to find work that’s friendly for autistic people, whatever that may be. I didn’t just get a diagnosis of autism, it was persistent depressive disorder, social anxiety disorder, and autism spectrum disorder. So the combination of those three things and being trans, that’s a lot of prohibitive stuff for me. Not to say that any of those conditions are prohibitive, It’s just that the world wasn’t built to accommodate people like me. We have the eight-hour workday I’m done after a few hours like I’ve got to like soldier through it, and I know that’s common for a lot of people but it’s also not just like being tired at the end of the day, it’s fatigue.”
The pandemic has not done any favors to anyone with pre-existing mental health conditions. The rolling lockdowns and stay-at-home orders— the fear and stress associated with contracting the virus, and the economic strife and unemployment woes still plaguing this country only exacerbate these symptoms.
“It’s a lot to deal with. Bless my partner to death for putting up with my anxious ass, but there’s just so much that I think about now, that I didn’t think about like five years ago. In a way, being aware of all the ways that you may be different from everyone around you can be liberating, but it can also be kind of a burden. I’m constantly thinking about all the ways I’m different from everybody else… I’ve been reflecting on that a lot lately. I’ve been reflecting on how many things have been easier for other people, that are very difficult for me.
I can make music like nobody’s business. I’ve had people ask me, “how do you do this? where does this music come from?” All I can say is that it just shows up… I don’t so much write music as much as like just see where it is and pull it out. And like, jot it down and notate it. And that’s a weird thing to explain to people, especially you know whenever I can do something like that, [something] that borders on kind of like divination almost, but then I can’t go to the bank. [laughs]
Whenever you have slightly different thinking styles than everyone that you’ve grown up with, it’s easy to see through this capitalistic bullshit society that we have where your worth as a human being is judged on your ability to produce goods and services and labor, and not on your ability to fuckin write books or, make art, or write music, or perform, or dance… it’s a whole different way of thinking. Whenever you have this fundamental thing like autism.”
I wanted to know more about the process, specifically about how to find support or a community, and what it takes to actually get a diagnosis through the proper channels with our system the way that it is.
“I don’t think there’s any ‘one’ autistic community, but I found some support online [through] Facebook groups and stuff where people talk about their experiences and things like that.
You know the one piece of advice that I always find in these types of articles or videos [is that it] is helpful to find other people who are autistic and read about their experiences. If you stumble across a video of someone talking about common autistic traits and it kind of pings you a little bit, and you start looking further, maybe there’s something there. Maybe not, but it never hurts to dig a little deeper at yourself.
It can be prohibitively expensive to get an official diagnosis, and there and there are tons of autistic people out there who don’t have a formal diagnosis, but do claim Autism just because they have so many of the little boxes ticked…I will say that the only way I was able to afford an evaluation at all was because I have Medicaid. And, you know, like sometimes you have to be really really broke, to be able to access the best care and until we get a better Healthcare system.”
Finally, I wanted to know what Adrienne had for me as far as a conclusion, and the best way to possibly summarize this growth for her, and what this means for Plasma Canvas fans.
“What I feel the most is a sense of relief. I remember so many instances where I didn’t know how to communicate what I was feeling or what I needed and ended up feeling incredibly awkward, stressed, or scared as a result. There were times that I needed to abruptly end a conversation, run offstage after a set, or just generally disappear when all the bright lights and loud sounds and forced conversations became too much for me. I hope that in sharing all of this with the world, the people who have interacted with me will have a new frame of reference as to why I am the way that I am. Knowing that my autism, my obsessive interests, my awkwardness, my shyness, and my talents are just as much a natural part of me as my blue eyes, gives me hope that I will be met with the same boundless empathy that I’ve always tried to show everyone else.”
Plasma Canvas, Adrienne Rae Ash, Plasma Canvas News, Music News, Music Interview, Music News 2020, Music News Colorado, Music News America, New Interview, Interviews, Artists Interviews, Culture Interviews, (SALT) Mag Interviews, Interviews Music Musicians, Photo Interviews
View this post on Instagram
